From Fear to Freedom.

FearFear is everywhere right? Well maybe? Emmm, well? Could you please point to some? I’ve never actually seen any.

This is a post about Fear, not danger, danger is real, Fear is not.

What fear is not real? But I feel it. It must be real. No / yes ehhhhh I’m confused.

This is a bit of a melter to get your head around, but the truth is, fear is not real.

Do you feel fear, when you go and watch a scary film? Yes you do, but is the film real? No it is not.

So fear is an emotional response to an imaginary situation. But we still experience a response? that is what we commonly call the fear response. So it must be real.Fear 2

Well if we name it correctly and call it an emotional response to an imaginary situation it just doesn’t seem as disempowering.

I find by naming this emotional response it actually creates a disempowering situation, it becomes a thing, solid and real, like you have to do something about it. It becomes tangible. But It’s just a response to an imaginary situation.

I’m sure I’ll get loads of people saying, “what if I was in a war situation and someone is firing at me”. That is real and being full of adrenaline at that moment is perfectly appropriate. That is danger that is real.

What is the difference then? Fear is worrying about the “what if’s” running scenarios that may go wrong, not will go wrong. They are projections into the future? In other words assumptions based on limited knowledge. They are disempowering stories we tell ourselves.

An example is, people who are afraid of flying, they are afraid of the plane potentially crashing, that’s understandable. But why is it paralysing them now? They haven’t even booked their ticket? Because, they are making it real, by playing the worst case scenario in their heads, now. It’s what could go wrong, not what will go wrong, its imaginary, and that imaginary situation is driving an emotional response.

Cookers kill more people every year in the UK than Aircraft, because ZERO people were killed in the UK last year from Aircraft. So what is the difference?

The mad thing is, that every time you walk into the kitchen you are in DANGER, but why do we not fear cookers? Basically we do not tell ourselves a story leading up to cooking, that this may kill us. Pretty much every minute of every day you are in danger, but why do we not live in complete fear all the time (well most of us don’t) because we do not think about what could go wrong and just focus on what we can do in each moment. We do not tell ourselves disempowering stories (worry) all day long.

If something happens we will deal with it, but up until then there is no point in thinking about it.Freedom

So what is fear? As the acronym says, False Expectations Appearing Real F.E.A.R or in other words (mine) a Bulshit story we are telling ourselves.

Nice and simply. Fear is not real, it is just a story. So what story do you actually want to play in your head in future? One that empowers you or disempowers you?

Tune in in a few days for the next instalment.

I’d love to hear what you think about this post.

How we learn, develop habits, and fill ourselves full of enthusiasm.

I used to beat myself up for not being perfect first time I did anything. I was shown how to do something, surely I should be able to do it right? I’d go off into a mental spin of self criticism, essentially saying I’m not good enough, useless and stupid.

Someone forgot to tell me how we actually learn things. I now see habits and Learning in the same way. It’s like a skipping stone on the water. The stone hits the top of the water and bounces up and then skips along the top of the water, quicker and quicker and quicker, until it eventually slows down and sinks in.

We all learn and develop habits in the same way. We get it, forget it and get it, forget it again and again, but each time the sequence is happening faster and faster, then eventually it sinks in.skipping_sonte

Some people do learn faster, but that may be due to them practicing something similar in their life. Either way there is no point in thinking about it.

Just focus on what you can learn now and how you can improve. All of the beating myself up just demotivated me, and now I just don’t think about doing it wrong, I just focus on how I can do it better.

Which way of thinking do you think is more effective, enjoyable, and enthusiastic? Ultimately what was the original point of beating ourselves up? Surely to get it right, so we can enjoy ourselves.

One way (beating ourselves up) demotivates us. The other way (focusing on what we actually want) motivates us.

So why beat ourselves up when we can just focus on learning and doing it right.

Have a day full of enthusiasm.

What is a Habit, is it really hard to break?

As I’ve been developing my course, I’ve used the word habit, a lot, and that got me thinking ???? What is a habit? Quit-Bad-Habits

What I used to believe, is that a habit was a thing that, if you do something enough it becomes automatic and then it’s really hard to break from then on.

I’ve read a few books that claim it takes 21 days and even 69 days to create a habit or to break one.

I’ve come to realise that this is just non-sense we create and break habits all the time every day.changing-habits  new-habits

I’m sure the above two lines sound really familiar to you.

Habits are basically the most efficient way for us to do something, so from a logical stand point you would want to keep doing them, that way.

Imagine you driving home from work every day, you think that is the most efficient route home and you pretty much do it unconsciously. What would happen if someone showed you a route home that was shorter in time? If you try it once and it is shorter it would literally be stupid for you not to drive that way home? As long as getting home quickly was your priority!

That habit got changed instantly because it was of more value for you to drive home quicker.Freedom

What about smoking? That is a tough habit to break, right? it’s got an addiction associated with it. We can quickly see the exact same process as the above statement. Once people define the value of living or enjoying life more, than smoking, they give up there and then, or it may take a few times. But they do it.habit

The reason is, that once we define the value in anything, then we understand that that is the best way to do something, and it’s more efficient to do it that way. We create a new habit.

Habits are easy to change and create, just define the value of what you want, and you will begin to do it automatically.

You can never break a habit, create a new, better one, to replace it.

So what new empowering habits do you want to create?