The way the world works. Love yourself and your life.

success-perception-vs-realityOur perceptions rule the roost. But our perceptions are very flexible. There is no good or bad, just what is. One person in a car crash will say “it was the best thing that ever happened me, because it made me realize that life is short”, and you already know what the other person will say.

If you imagine a chair, what makes it a chair? What defines it as a chair? Is it the shape or what it’s made out of? If I asked you what it was? You could answer, it is wood or whatever it’s made out of, and you would 100% right, Or atoms or energy. But all these are just words that depict a story. The word chair creates a story which is “something you sit on” but what is it really. What if some art student has it in their house, it’s painted a different colour to all the rest of the chairs in the house, it has a lamp on it, and it’s beside their bed. What would it be then? What if they walked over and took the lamp off and sat down. The story of the chair would change from bedside table to chair to what ever next. So the story is completely flexible.

In reality that chair is not just a chair. It can be something to stand on, or to put things on. Its uses are infinite, but because of the word chair it becomes limited, the story constrains our imagination. What is a chair to a baby? Well up until its big enough, it’s something to hold on to so it can walk.

I now see everything in two layers one is what vocabulary-chair-coloring-page-printablethe chair really is (pure energy and imagination) and the other is the story we bestow on it. They are two completely separate things. One is in our heads and the other is out there in reality.

Imagine if we put a pen in a baby’s face, what that is to the baby? It does not know that it is a pen, it sees that pen and when we take it away that pen ceases to exist, it vanishes, because there is no word pen in the babies head no understanding. Then through conditioning us repeating the word pen over and over then the baby realizes that that shape is called a pen, it then keeps a picture of the pen in its mind and it starts to exist there, then the story grows as the baby grows, I can make marks with the pen, then the story grows again, there are two types of pens, pens and pencils. This is all inside the mind of the child if that story didn’t exist in the child’s mind, they would never know what that was, it would cease to exist in their reality.

abracadabra_by_mandapandar-d6hp85jWords crate our reality. Why is a chair a chair? Because we say it is, no other reason. So what does that mean for your reality? Can you rewrite it? What does that mean for you? are you your name? Are you your story? would different people have different perspectives (stories) on your life

AbracadabraIf words create your reality, what does that mean for language? Does your language create your reality? We have a part of our brain called the amygdala that filters reality for us based on our experiences and thoughts. What does that mean though, how is that practical?  I prefer to make this way simpler our amygdala filters reality based on our words.

No RedGreat coloursLet’s run an experiment. Say out loud a colour you don’t want to see, lets pick red, so say out loud, over and over, no red, no red, no red, what do you see? Of course you see red, when you were talking about what you didn’t want, did you see what you wanted? What would happen if you started saying a colour you did want what would happen?

Our words are like lenses if you say cat your amygdala filters reality for cats, and so on, but if you talk about what you do not want your filtering reality for that also.

So you get more of what you talk about!! That is huge, what do you talk mostly about?

Positive and negativePositive and negative language. Imagine saying “I must be more positive” “I must be more positive” “I must be more positive”! How does that statement feel to you? Does it feel positive or does it feel like your beating yourself over the head. The intention is positive, but the execution is not. How many times have we all had good intentions that have backfired on us? What is that person really saying when they are saying I must be more positive? What they are really saying is “I’m not positive” “I’m not positive”, “I’m not doing it right”, “I’m not good enough”. They are beating themselves up with words. How many times a day do we all do this?

i-think-i-like-who-i-am-becomingHow does this feel? I’m becoming more and more positive every day. It feels so much nicer and truer, because we are all learning and growing each day. That word, “must”, created a whole different feeling.

I’ve shifted from saying positive and negative because the terms are too abstract the real meaning of positive and negative is love and fear. If you Love-Greater-Than-Fear-mailer-frontlook at the term “must” Is a fear word it is imposed upon you by your teacher, boss, or torturer! You must do this or you will be punished, it diminishes your self-esteem, because it is imposed upon you, and you are not seen as equal.

i_like_who_i'm_becoming-771632 Whereas if you say the word “becoming” is an internal word a word that has growth to it, it sees you as completely capable, to be whatever you want. I am becoming an astronaut (I want to), rather than I must be an astronaut (I have to). So when we use the word becoming, we are building our self-esteem because we are in charge of our destiny. Becoming is a love word it is loving yourself.

There are many other fear based words should must have to don’t can’t and many other love based words. The remarkable thing is that all the fear based words are not true and diminish self-esteem whereas all love based words are true and build self-esteem.

Fear is the number one negative term but does it exist? If we look at the chair example again, when we use the word chair, that story limits our imagination, and gives us the impression that it is a solid and permanent thing. But in reality it is a constantly changing thing that is degrading and changing its use all the time. It is completely flexible. But the word and associated story is not flexible. It is a chair and it is for sitting on! End of story! The word fear gives us the same feeling that it is sold and exists. but can you point to fear can you touch it?

If fear is not real how come we feel it? If you go to the cinema to see a scary movie do you get scared? Why is that? We have an imagination and we can imagine ourselves in many different situations, but because our imagination is soo good we can also scare the pants off ourselves.

Worry-fearFear is a misuse of the imagination. It is an emotional response to an imaginary situation. a projection of ourselves in the future. So it is not real now.

Did you notice how the two terms felt? Fear, and emotional response to an imaginary situation. The word fear feels much more solid and real, like its immovable and it actually stops the flow of your imagination. I’ve got a fear. yes you do, boom done you’re screwed. Whereas if you use the term emotional response to an imaginary situation, it feels so much more flexible, it actually gives you the answer to the situation. Imagine something else. the more effective language allows your energy (emotions and imagination) to flow.

fear-is-not-real-its-a-product-of-thought-we-create-but-doI’m sure your head is starting to spin now, and your starting to ask about danger. Fear is imaginary, danger isn’t. But we have to look at this in an abstract way. If you are standing on the side of a busy road waiting to cross are you in danger? Sure you are but if you’ve done it enough you trust the situation will turn out ok. So you actually don’t think about it at all, and just deal with what is presented to you. So you’re in danger but not in fear. Could a hypnotist make you fearful in that situation would you be in any more danger?

If you imagine the same situation, but now with a 3 year old kid, who is a bit unpredictable, what do you do? You fear that the kid may run out so you take charge of the situation and hold the kids hand.

Lack-of-faith-quote-muhammad-aliI used two very important words there. Fear and trust / faith. When we feared that the kid “could” (imaginary) we did not trust him, but we trusted ourselves, when we took charge of the situation, by holding the kids hand. So what is fear really? Fear is really is lack of self-trust / belief.

This is huge! Imagine the sneaky word Fear had us looking at this external solid feeling thing. It had us looking in the wrong direction all the time. Now that we know its self-trust / belief what difference does that make?

What would happen if you focused on all the successes in your life? Even as little as crossing the road. Would you start to feel better about yourself? What would happen if you started to imagine, things going well for you, or even great, what would happen? would you be loving yourself then?

So many people struggle with loving themselves! Why is that? Would it be as simple as the language we use?

What would happen if we actually started speaking the truth about ourselves?

What do you mean the truth?

self-esteemIf you use fear based language it’s always in the future, don’t spill the water, I can’t do that, it always sees you or the other person as not capable. I expect you to spill the water so don’t, I expect I am not able to do that.

What would happen if we said the same things but using loving language? Put the glass on the table. It sees you as capable of getting the water to the table, make sure you get the water in your mouth. Or I can do that, but I really do not want to put the effort in. Each time you see yourself and the other person as completely capable of doing what ever, and it is 100% true.

The really mad thing is all negative fear based language, can be instantly negated. If someone says, I can’t go to the moon. You can instantly say if you had enough money you could. I can’t run a marathon, I’ve no legs! Do it in a wheel chair, invent some legs.

All positive loving statements are 100% true and can’t be argued with. I can run a marathon, but I couldn’t be arsed. I can get to the moon but it’s something that doesn’t interest me at this time. each time your telling the truth and not putting yourself down.

I love myselfSo how do you love yourself? Start talking about what you want, what you can do, and all the successes in your life. Even if it is just tying your shoe. you will be telling the truth.

If you talk about what you want, and what you can do? What will you notice more of in your life. Will your energy and enthusiasm improve? If you keep at that for long enough for it to be come your way of being, how will your life change.

From now on your either talking about what you don’t want, or what you do want, it is your choice! you can either love yourself by saying, i can, or i cant either way your literally creating your reality because your reality is the words you use.

 

What fear really is.

Fear.Fear

FEAR

FEAR!

Fear is a tricky thing to deal with. But once examined it becomes nothing more than a thought that passes in the night.

What is fear? Fear as a term is too abstract, to intangible to be able to put anything Fear is the mind killersolid on it, to figure a way around. If you had a road block you figure out another direction. But with fear its nebulous thing that actually pops up in your way whichever way you turn.

The word fear makes us believe it’s a thing like a chair but it’s not. It is a made up word to represent the result of something not the actual cause. By looking at the result all the time you are blinded to the cause.

I now see fear on a spectrum. One end you see the word fear and on the other end you see the word trust.

Let’s take an example. People have a fear of flying, but what is that. How many people a year die from flying? fear-of-flyingNot many in the grand scheme of things. Where did that fear come from? Planes are only around the past 100 years. Did someone invent it? That sounds mad that someone would invent it, but the really mad thing is that it was invented. Somebody had to come up with a medical term for it. Aviophobia is the term. Who came up with that and who was the first person diagnosed with it what was it called before it was Aviophobia?

Why are people afraid of flying and not of cookers? More people each year die from cooker related stuff. The mad thing is people are often afraid of planes and have never been on one. Yet everyone has used a cooker, been burnt, not once but many times, and you are 100% guaranteed to get burnt again. So what’s the difference?

Why do you get scared when you go to the cinema and see a scary movie? You know walking in that it’s fake, it’s not real, but you get carried away and get scared anyway? Why is that? It’s because we have imaginations. We can imagine ourselves in that position and how we would feel if something was going wrong. Is that situation real? Why do we get a real response? Because in our minds reality and fantasy are no different.

So what is happening when people have a fear of flying? Are they simply just imagining themselves in a compromised position? Are they fantasizing about something going wrong?

Being-Awesome-takes-practiceHow would they feel if they started imagining everything being awesome? Would that start to make them feel good?

Either way they are playing a story in their head, that is dis-empowering them, or empowering them but it is just a story!

Just to be clear what is a story? A story is something that is made up or imaginary and can be changed at any time. If someone decided to do some hypnotism on a poor unfortunate victim would he be able to make that person afraid of cookers? How does he do that? How he does that is by implanting a story in that persons head that cookers are dangerous.

Where are fears? Fears are always in the future they may be seconds away but none the less they are in the future.

Dark alleySo what happens when we walk down a dark alley at night, and we start to get scared? What is happening there? Are we imagining a good future or a bad one, based on what evidence? All we have is a dark alley? And we heard that someone some time somewhere got mugged? But are you in danger? Or are you imagining it?

Hopefully you’re seeing a pattern now fears are imaginary and a story that we are telling ourselves.

So why are they so dis-empowering? Because we believe them! It’s really that simple.

So let’s flip the whole thing let’s stop looking at fears altogether, and start looking at people who are fearless.

Fear of heightsWe have all seen people who are not afraid of heights, why is that? Quite often they are people who have worked on ladders or done rock climbing or something to that effect? So why are they fearless? Is it because they are familiar with heights? To a large degree yes but that is still looking at the result not the cause. They know it’s dangerous yet they still do it. The fear doesn’t seem to exist?
Let’s go back to the alley. Would a person who has a black belt in some martial art, be as afraid as you or I, walking through that alley? Probably not. Why is that? Would you say this person has more confidence? What is confidence? Confidence is self-trust. That black belt trusts himself and his skills to keep him safe, so in that situation he actually won’t even think about any danger until something presented itself.

Like the people who are not afraid of heights they trust themselves they trust that Self Trustthey are going to be safe because experience tells them that. This is the true cause of fear. People do not trust themselves or life because of the stories they tell themselves.

It is the same with you, and a cooker. You have enough trust in yourself, that you will be ok. You may get burned, but you will deal with that when it happens. The danger is there but I trust myself that I will be able to deal with it when it arises. So there is no point in thinking about it now.

So what is fear really fear is really an external representation of your own lack of self-trust? So what’s the solution? Its simple learn to trust yourself look at all the times you have overcome some issue or another. How many dangerous roads have you crossed with no incident what so ever. Look at how much you have survived already. The evidence is overwhelming that you’re going to be alright. So why do I still feel fearful? Basically because the news fills you full of fear full stories and your friends tell you about how they do not trust themselves and fill us full of their fears. So you have to practice every time you feel bad, laugh and say gees I got caught up in that story. If you put your effort into all the things your already good at you will trust yourself more and more.

So what is the result of trust? Success isSelf trust is the first secret to success. the result of trust. Can you think of any wealthy happy or powerful person who doesn’t trust themselves? They all believe in themselves that is the only thing they do differently.

So go to places and do things that build your self-trust push your capabilities don’t face your fears don’t even bother with them. Tell yourself the story that you want and play it over and over. If you’re afraid of heights stand Visualize yourself being perfectly comfortable in that situation then go stand on high things until you completely trust yourself in those situations.I Love Me

Where is fear when you’re visualizing an empowering story? It simply doesn’t exist.

Would trusting yourself be loving yourself?